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Rudder analyzed the data from a one-week period in January and used a simple methodology: finding the users who receive the most messages from potential suitors.
The four people selected wouldn’t necessarily claim to be the wealthiest, most stunning or successful singles, but, out of 400,000 annual citywide users on the site, they were among the top five in their respective categories and, perhaps less scientifically, were the four who were also willing to be interviewed for a story.
At a quiet table in a dimly lit Lower East Side Italian restaurant, Lauren Urasek, a poised 23-year-old makeup artist with a Cleopatra haircut and cherry-red lipstick, is lit by the glow of her i Phone as she flips through online-dating messages. You’re like the girl I would make a profile of if I was making my ideal match. not usually into girls with tats but ur sexy we should chill i got a huge cock … In New York, online dating is practically a municipal utility, connecting millions of strangers.
I think I literally said out loud, “Yes, you.” “That’s kind of normal,” she says, sipping a bourbon on the rocks. To find out how some people manage to stand apart from the masses, and how it feels to be so desired, I asked Rudder to introduce me to the most popular OKCupid daters in the city in four categories—straight and gay women and straight and gay men.
“Even if an amazingly attractive girl said something stupid in their profile, she’ll still get messages,” she says.
“So I feel like I’m intelligent and people think I look good, so I guess it’s as simple as that?
In the two years Lauren has been on the site, she estimates that she’s gone on only 20 dates. I just look at the first sentence and delete delete delete.” At a dark, candlelit West Village bar, James Hawver, a 29-year-old real-estate agent and New York’s most popular straight guy, is the living embodiment of his OKCupid handle, My Ties Are Skinny.
She likes “hockey, whiskey, swimming in an open ocean, down comforters, astronomy.” Her photos are striking: a wide-eyed close-up, overlit like an album cover; a low-res camera-phone shot that flaunts a short skirt and the gypsy tattoo that curls around her thigh.(“That brings my hope down: Oh, so, I’m gonna marry someone and they’re gonna wanna have sex with some 23-year-old?”) Occasionally, men offer cash for sex, like the 44-year-old who wrote, “I would pay to fuck you—let that be part of the fun.” The attention got so irritating—so many online stalkers, so many dick pics—that she deleted her user name.“Sometimes there’s no stemming the tide.”) Her new account, loandthecosmos, looks similar, but “casual sex” isn’t selected.“The quality is better,” she says, though she admits that the experience of sifting through such a high percentage of creeps has made her more pessimistic; she finds it harder to tell the difference between “someone who’s genuine and someone who’s not; tons of my friends feel the same way.” She even worries that she’s wasting her time, like she’s racking up high scores on Candy Crush rather than really connecting.
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And he never follows up with someone who hasn’t already confirmed her interest.