Is there racism in dating
Because people become the most neurotic versions of themselves on their quest for True Love, and that’s totally allowed. Here’s the thing: when asked during in-person meetings, 90% of my clients report having racial preferences. And I’m not just talking about white-on-white preferences.People are entitled to their taste and you can’t help who you fall in love with, right? Which maybe doesn’t sound bad, because I mean, they have other preferences, too. I’m talking about all my clients, only 55% of whom identify as white. As a professional matchmaker, I’ve interviewed over 1,000 singles, and in the past two and a half years, I’ve made around 2,500 matches.This means I have been #blessed to hear a lot of this nonsense, and honestly, most of it doesn’t faze me. I meant monumental and indicative of an entrenched and deeply troubling societal prejudice that we have been unable to overcome throughout the course of human history.As such, it’s different from a look at, say, unemployment numbers or test scores. the average.” Think of them as how people weigh race in deciding attraction.So, for example, in the bottom-right corner of the lower table, you see that white women think white men are 17% more attractive than the average guy.To take one of the most obvious and simple examples, consider Hollywood, which is notoriously white. That means the math equation looks something like this: If Hollywood=White, and Hollywood=Hot, then White=Hot. We are not the passive victims of our own internalized biases. As author and psychologist James Giles writes, “That is not to say that romantic attraction is fully under our control, but only that it is not fully our control.” So when are our love lives going to start reflecting that? People are happy to acknowledge that hiring someone based on their skin is racist.According to the 20 Hollywood Diversity Report, minorities “remain underrepresented on every front.” They’ve reported that “more than half of films had casts that were 10% minority or less.” (The Every Single Word Spoken project is a great illustration of this.) Hollywood is also hot. The problem is that no one is inundating us with hot Asian guys, or hot black women who aren’t Kerry Washington. Studies have shown that we are attracted to what we know and are used to, but as Deborah Ward writes, “Repeated exposure to certain people will increase our attraction toward them.” This means that a conscious change in behavior will impact subconscious desires. Whether workplaces to their goals of diversity is another, much longer, discussion, but the guidelines are there. But somehow, dating someone based on their skin is not.
As is protocol with sweeping epidemics, people should start by honestly talking about the problem (see: for suggestions).You can use other online data to see this split personality play out elsewhere.The night Obama was first elected was a moment of catharsis. All the dating data I’ve seen fits Ok Cupid’s pattern: black people and Asian men get short shrift.It’s a night for our country to celebrate, and for the world to celebrate.”Meanwhile, that same evening, American Google Searches for the word “nigger” hit an all-time high.†† I learned this from the work of Seth Stephens-Davidowitz, a researcher at Google.) a few questions always seem to come up. And, similarly, it’s not outliers among the women driving the results. Anytime you’re trying to make an impression on a stranger.It’s a wholesale phenomenon: the ratings for an entire population are shifted down. And science has long known that bonuses accrue to beautiful people: they have better outcomes at work and at school, more success with juries, even live longer lives, and so on.